Why Am I the Only One Who Notices Everything? How to Lighten The Mental Load of Motherhood
We’ve talked before about the mental load of motherhood...the nonstop, invisible work of remembering, planning, organizing, and anticipating everything your family needs. But today? Let’s talk about what we can actually do about it.
Because the reality is, knowing you’re overwhelmed doesn’t make the overwhelm go away. So let’s look at why the mental load is so heavy, how it’s affecting you, and the real, practical steps you can take to lighten it.
What Is the Mental Load?
The mental load is all the thinking work of motherhood: keeping track of dentist appointments, packing lunches, remembering the spirit week themes, noticing when you’re low on toilet paper, and being the go-to person for every family detail.
It’s exhausting because it’s constant—and invisible. And it’s not just about logistics. It’s emotional, too: the worry, the guilt, the planning ahead, the “if I don’t do it, who will?” weight we carry.
Why It’s So Hard to Share the Load
Even if you have a supportive partner, the default often falls on mom. Maybe you were raised to be the fixer, the planner, the emotional glue. Maybe asking for help feels like more work. Or maybe it feels easier to just do it yourself than to explain all the things that need to be done.
But over time, this becomes unsustainable. You start to feel resentful. Fried. Burned out.
Real Life Looks Like This:
You’re packing for a family vacation, and your partner throws in some clothes and calls it a day. Meanwhile, you’ve packed the sunscreen, the meds, the sound machine, extra swim diapers, everyone’s favorite snacks, the toddler’s backup lovey, and the bandaids.
You’re not just packing bags. You’re packing peace of mind.
That’s the mental load. And it’s heavy.
What You Can Actually Do About It
Here are some strategies that have helped real moms begin to shift the weight:
1. Let Things Fall (On Purpose)
If you always catch the ball, no one else learns how. Let the permission slip be late. Let someone else figure out dinner. It’s uncomfortable—but sometimes discomfort is the catalyst for shared responsibility.
2. Have a Weekly Family Logistics Meeting
Sit down with your partner every Sunday. Go over what’s coming up, who’s handling what, and what you need support with. It doesn’t need to be formal—it just needs to happen.
3. Use a Shared Digital Calendar
If it’s in your head, no one else can help. Put appointments, events, and reminders in a shared calendar. Let it be the brain so you don’t have to.
4. Stop Being the Default Reminder
You’re not the house manager. You’re a whole person with limits. Practice saying, “I trust you to remember,” and then step back. Let natural consequences teach—without stepping in to save.
5. Reframe What “Being a Good Mom” Means
Being a good mom doesn’t mean doing it all. It means being human. Taking care of your own mental health. Letting your kids see that rest matters, too.
Therapy for Mothers: Because This Is Emotional, Too
This isn’t just a logistics problem. It’s emotional labor. And it wears you down.
As a Columbus, Ohio therapist who works with moms every day, I see how deep this goes. The guilt. The pressure. The fear of letting someone down. That’s why therapy for mothers is so powerful...it gives you space to unpack the beliefs that are driving the overload.
In therapy intensives in Ohio, we get to go even deeper. You get time to actually pause, reflect, and reset, without rushing through it between grocery runs and daycare pickups.
Signs You Might Be Burned Out from the Mental Load
Snapping over small things
Constant irritability
Feeling like you have nothing left to give
Numbness or brain fog
Dread when you wake up
This isn’t just tired. It’s burnout. And it deserves support.
What Therapy Intensives Can Do
During a therapy intensive, we can:
Identify what’s really driving the pressure
Use EMDR to process past experiences that shaped how you see your role
Create real-time nervous system tools that help you reset, not just push through
Build boundaries that actually work for your family
I’m a therapist in Ohio who gets what motherhood looks like behind the scenes. You don’t need to show up perfect. You just need to show up as you.
Helpful Tips to Start Now
Ask yourself once a day: “What’s one thing I can let go of today?”
When someone offers help, say yes, even if it’s not how you’d do it
Talk to a friend who won’t judge your mess or your honesty
Take five minutes a day to do nothing...no phone, no list, no noise
You Don’t Have to Carry It All
If your brain feels like 100 tabs open at once, if you’re tired of holding everything together, if you just want someone to see how hard you’re working:
Support exists. Not just in theory. Not just in vague self-care tips. But in real, meaningful care from someone who understands what it’s like.
Whether it’s ongoing therapy or a therapy intensive in Columbus, Ohio, I’m here to help you come back to yourself.
