I Miss Who I Was Before I Became A Mom
TL;DR: You love your kids. You wouldn’t trade them for anything. But sometimes? You miss who you used to be. The freedom. The fun. The version of yourself that wasn’t constantly wiping things, solving things, or holding it all together. This post is for the moms quietly wondering, where did I go? You’re not alone...and reconnecting with yourself is not only possible, but essential. Whether it’s through therapy for mothers or a therapy intensive, there’s space for you again.
The Kids Are Fine, But I Miss Myself: Reconnecting With Who You Were Before Motherhood
There’s a moment in motherhood that no one warns you about.
The baby’s sleeping, your partner is home, the house is quiet (for once!).
You sit down for a second. Maybe open your phone. Maybe stare out the window.
And you realize you don’t quite recognize yourself anymore.
It’s not that you’re unhappy.
It’s not that you regret this life.
It’s just that somewhere in the mix of bottles and backpacks and birthday parties… you went missing.
You Used to Know Her
You used to laugh more.
Get dressed up for no reason.
Spontaneously go out.
Read books just because.
You had dreams. Hobbies. Friends. Opinions about things outside of toddler snacks and preschool registration.
And now? You’re lucky if you remember to pee before pickup.
This Feeling Doesn’t Mean You’re Ungrateful
Let’s just name it right here:
Missing yourself doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids.
It doesn’t mean you’re not a good mom.
It just means you’re human.
You’re allowed to love this season and still grieve the old you.
You’re allowed to feel full and empty at the same time.
You’re allowed to need things...space, time, identity...without guilt.
Why This Happens (and Why It’s So Common)
You’re not imagining it. Here’s why so many moms feel this:
Motherhood is all-consuming: You become the default for everything...meals, sleep schedules, medical forms, emotional regulation.
You were never taught to prioritize yourself: Maybe you were raised to believe that good moms are selfless, always putting others first.
The culture celebrates martyrdom: Ever notice how society applauds the mom who “does it all” but barely acknowledges the mom who sets boundaries or asks for help?
You don’t have time to think: Literally. Between work, laundry, mental load, and finding everyone’s shoes, there’s no margin to reflect on your own identity.
What Losing Yourself Might Look Like
It’s not always dramatic. Sometimes, it’s subtle:
You hesitate when someone asks what you do for fun
You don’t recognize your body...or how you feel in it
You avoid the mirror… or your calendar
You spend every spare minute catching up on things, never refueling
You hear yourself saying “I don’t even know who I am anymore”
And underneath it all?
A quiet sadness.
A gnawing loneliness.
A craving for… you.
So What Now?
You can’t go back.
But you can come back to yourself.
Here’s how:
1. Start by Noticing
Take inventory. Without judgment.
What used to make you feel alive?
What do you miss most?
What do you wish you had more time or energy for?
You don’t need a five-year plan. You just need awareness. That’s where re-connection begins.
2. Reclaim a Tiny Piece
Pick one thing...just one.
Rewatch your favorite show
Put on perfume
Order the spicy dish
Reconnect with that friend
Listen to music from “before kids you”
You don’t need to overhaul your life. You just need to remind your nervous system: I’m still here.
3. Say the Quiet Things Out Loud
There is power in speaking truth. Even if it’s messy.
Tell someone.
“I miss myself.”
“I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“This version of motherhood feels lonely.”
Say it to a friend. A partner. A journal. A therapist.
You’re not broken. You’re just buried.
4. Get Support That’s Actually Supportive
This is where therapy can help. Not surface-level “self-care” advice. But the kind of deep work that helps you unearth what’s underneath.
In therapy intensives, we get to go even deeper. You get protected time to process, not in 50-minute fragments, but in immersive, focused ways that actually move things.
You get to:
Understand how burnout and identity loss are connected
Use EMDR therapy to clear the stuck stories
Reconnect with your body, voice, and desires
Rebuild your identity in a way that includes you, not just your role
If you’ve been saying “I don’t even know what I need,” this is the work that helps you find out.
This Isn’t Selfish. It’s Essential.
Because your kids don’t need a perfect mom.
They need you.
Present. Grounded. Real.
And you?
You deserve to feel like a person again.
Not just someone holding everything together.
Ready to Find Yourself Again?
If any part of this made you exhale or tear up or say “that’s me”...I want you to know: You’re not alone.
Let’s find the way back to you.
Schedule a consultation to learn more about therapy in Columbus, Ohio, or explore whether a therapy intensive in Ohio could be your reset point.
Because you matter, too.
Not just as a mom. But as a whole, worthy person.
