Why Do I Get So Mad When My Kids Don’t Listen to Me?
TL;DR: If you feel like you’re always snapping at your kids, it’s not because you’re a bad mom. It’s because your nervous system is overwhelmed, your emotional needs are likely unmet, and your triggers might be rooted in past experiences. In this post, we explore what’s really going on, how childhood wounds and overstimulation play a role, and how therapy can help you parent with more calm, compassion, and connection.
You tell them it’s time to put their shoes on. Again. You ask them to brush their teeth. Again. You remind them not to throw toys. Again. And then, somewhere between the third and thirty-third reminder, you just snap.
You raise your voice. You feel your body tense. You say something you regret. And then the shame rolls in.
"Why can’t I stay calm?"
"What’s wrong with me?"
"I love my kids… so why am I always yelling?"
If this sounds familiar, nothing is wrong with you.
In this post, we’re diving into why this happens, what might actually be going on beneath the surface, and how support, like therapy for mothers or even therapy intensives in Ohio, can help.
It’s Not Just the Noise (Though That’s Part of It)
Let’s get one thing out of the way: modern motherhood is overstimulating.
The noise, the mess, the constant questions, the neediness, the invisible to-do list running in the back of your brain 24/7. Even without big traumas or hard histories, that level of overstimulation can push anyone to the edge.
But if you find yourself going from calm to enraged in a split second, there may be more going on than just being "touched out" or overstimulated.
What’s Actually Happening: It’s Not About the Shoes
When your child doesn’t listen, it’s rarely just about the specific task at hand.
It can feel like:
A loss of control
A challenge to your authority
A personal rejection
Proof that you’re not doing a good job
Confirmation that no one respects you
Evidence that you are failing
But underneath all of that? For many moms, it hits an even deeper wound.
It can feel like you don’t matter.
It’s not just about being disrespected. It’s about not being heard. Not being seen. Not being valued.
So many mothers carry this question quietly inside them: Does anyone care what I need? Does anyone see what I’m holding?
When you’re met with defiance or silence or that little “ugh” sigh of annoyance from your child, it can poke at that wound. It can bring up old experiences of being ignored, dismissed, talked over, or not prioritized…in your childhood, in your workplace, in your relationships.
So you’re not reacting to the moment. You’re reacting to everything that moment represents.
Our reactions often come from parts of us that are still hurting.
You Might Be:
Reacting from old wounds that were never acknowledged or healed
Feeling powerless and unheard in your parenting role
Carrying guilt or shame from your own childhood
Operating in survival mode
Overstimulated and undersupported
Trying so hard to parent differently, but falling into familiar patterns
And that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It simply means you’re human.
Anger Is a Messenger, Not a Moral Failing
Let’s say that again: anger is NOT a parenting failure.
Anger is a signal. It tells us something needs attention. It might be your boundaries. Your support system. Your energy levels. Your grief.
But anger also feels scary, especially if you were taught to suppress it. Or if you witnessed unhealthy expressions of it growing up.
So when it erupts, it can feel like you’re out of control. Like you’re becoming the parent you swore you wouldn’t be. Like you’re stuck.
But you’re not.
Healing is possible. Repair is possible. Change is possible.
What You Can Do in the Moment
Let’s be clear: there’s no perfect script that will magically get your kids to listen every time. But when you feel yourself boiling over, here are some things to try:
1. Take a Pause (Yes, You Can)
Step into another room. Sip water. Put your hand on your heart. Breathe.
Interrupt the escalation—even if just for 10 seconds.
2. Name What’s Happening
Silently or aloud: “I’m getting overwhelmed.”
Bringing awareness to the moment helps you respond rather than react.
3. Lower Your Voice
It feels counterintuitive, but whispering or softening your tone can grab your child’s attention—and help you calm down, too.
4. Repair Later
If you do lose it (because sometimes you will), go back. Apologize. Let your child see that grownups mess up and make it right.
This builds connection. Not perfection.
What You Can Do Long-Term
If you find yourself constantly triggered by your child not listening, it might be time to look at what’s underneath that response.
In therapy for mothers, we explore:
How your past experiences are showing up in the present
The beliefs you hold about yourself as a mom
The emotional and physical signs of burnout
In therapy intensives, we go deeper.
We use EMDR therapy to process past experiences that still activate your nervous system
We help your body release the trauma it’s been holding
We practice tools that build resilience—not just coping
You might start to:
React less and respond more
Feel more confident in your boundaries
Notice life feels more manageable again
Increase your capacity to tolerate stressors and big feelings
Actually enjoy parenting again (not all the time, but more often)
How Therapy Can Help You Respond Instead of React
As a therapist in Ohio who works with overwhelmed moms, I see this all the time. And it’s not about fixing you. It’s about supporting you.
In therapy for mothers, we work on:
Understanding your triggers without shame
Learning how your nervous system responds to stress
Practicing new tools for regulation and repair
Exploring your own childhood beliefs and experiences
Rewiring the patterns that make you feel stuck
And for moms who feel like they don’t even have time to breathe, therapy intensives in Ohio can be a powerful way to make real progress in a shorter amount of time.
Therapy Intensives: Why They Help Moms So Much
If you feel like a weekly 50-minute session isn’t enough to untangle years of pressure, people-pleasing, and parenting guilt...you’re not wrong.
Therapy intensives give you the space to go deeper.
Over the course of a day or several hours, we can:
Identify the roots of your reactivity
Use EMDR therapy to release trauma held in the body
Practice regulating your nervous system in real time
Create practical plans for your day-to-day parenting moments
Reconnect with who you are outside of "mom mode"
You don’t have to keep white-knuckling it through.
Practical Tips for the Hard Moments
While therapy is a game-changer, here are a few practical things you can try today:
Narrate what’s happening: "I feel myself getting frustrated. I’m going to take three breaths before I answer."
Name your needs: Even if it’s just to yourself. "I need a break. I need quiet. I need support."
Connect before you correct: A touch on the shoulder. Eye contact. Kneeling to their level. Sometimes kids don’t listen because they don’t feel heard.
Forgive yourself fast: You lost your temper? Own it. Apologize. Repair. Your kids learn more from how you handle mistakes than how you avoid them.
You Deserve Support, Too
If no one told you this today:
You are doing a hard job. An important job.
If you’re ready to stop the cycle of guilt and reactivity, if you want to feel more connected and less triggered, if you want support that actually helps...
Let’s talk.
I’m a Columbus, Ohio therapist who gets it. Whether you’re interested in weekly sessions or an intensive designed for moms just like you, I’d love to support you.
Because you can show up for your kids with more patience and peace.
And it starts with showing up for yourself.
