When You're Raising Kids Without a Village: The Silent Struggle of Parenting Without Grandparents or Family Help
This blog post was inspired by a reel I shared on Instagram last week—and wow, it clearly struck a chord. So many of you messaged me to say, “Same here,” or “I didn’t know how much I needed to hear this.” If you’ve been feeling the weight of parenting without a village, this one’s for you.
You hear it all the time: "It takes a village to raise a child."
But what if you don’t have one?
What if your parents live across the country—or are no longer living at all? What if your in-laws are too ill to help, or you’re estranged from family? What if your family lives nearby but just... isn’t helpful? What if there is no one dropping off meals, picking up your kids, or babysitting for date night?
This post is for the moms who are doing it all, not because they want to, but because they have to.
For the parents who love their kids deeply, but are exhausted to their core. For the ones who scroll social media and feel the sting every time they see a grandma picking up from daycare or an aunt wrangling toddlers at the park.
If that’s you—you’re not alone. And you’re not doing it wrong. You’re just parenting without the support you deserve.
The Hidden Grief of Parenting Without Family Support
Let’s also be honest about something else: for some people, the lack of support from family isn’t just about distance—it’s about dynamics. I heard from a lot of you (and some people were even upset!) after sharing this on IG. The truth is, even when grandparents are around, it doesn’t always feel like help. Maybe you fear being judged, criticized, or getting passive-aggressive comments that leave you feeling more drained than supported. Every family is different. And for many moms, emotional safety matters just as much as physical presence.
When you imagined having children, you might’ve pictured a different story.
Maybe you assumed your mom would come help after the baby was born. That your kids would have sleepovers at Grandma’s. That your in-laws would show up to birthday parties. That your sister would be someone you could call at 3 AM.
And when that doesn’t happen? There’s a grief that sets in. Not just because you’re overwhelmed, but because you feel robbed of something you thought you’d have.
You grieve the version of motherhood you thought was coming. You grieve the kind of support you see others receiving. You grieve what your kids are missing out on, too.
No one tells you that becoming a parent can crack open old wounds—and amplify new ones.
You may even find yourself triggered by things you thought you had long made peace with. Maybe it's your own complicated childhood, or the absence of generational wisdom. Sometimes, the lack of family help brings back feelings of abandonment, resentment, or unworthiness that have nothing to do with your kids—and everything to do with the unhealed parts of you.
This is real. And it’s okay to name it.
The Mental Load Without a Safety Net
Without family support, the everyday logistics of parenting multiply.
There’s no one to help in a pinch. No one to call when your kid is sick and you have to work. No built-in backup when daycare is closed or you just need a moment to breathe.
And let’s be honest—hiring help is expensive. Even if you can afford it, it’s not the same as someone who loves your child and wants to be there.
You might feel like you never get a break. Like the weight of it all sits squarely on your shoulders. And that constant pressure can lead to deep, unrelenting burnout.
The signs are familiar:
You’re short-tempered, even when you don’t want to be.
You feel like a shell of yourself.
You fantasize about running away—but also can’t imagine being away from your kids.
You cry more than usual (or feel too numb to cry at all).
You’re tired in your bones.
You find yourself snapping at your partner, then immediately feeling guilty.
You feel a strange mix of love, rage, devotion, and isolation—all at once.
This isn’t just normal "mom tired." This is something deeper.
This is what so many mothers are quietly navigating—especially when they’re doing it alone.
The Emotional Labor of "Doing It All"
When there’s no village, the emotional labor falls almost entirely on you.
You’re managing the doctor appointments, the school forms, the birthday presents, the meal plans. You’re regulating everyone else’s emotions—including your partner’s, if you have one—while shoving your own to the side.
You’re the one who remembers that your child hates that brand of applesauce, that the sunscreen is running low, that it’s library book return day. You’re the keeper of the details. The glue.
But glue cracks under pressure, too.
And it’s okay to admit that you need support. Not because you’re weak, but because you’re human.
Let’s Talk About Therapy for Mothers
You weren’t meant to do this alone. And if you’re constantly in survival mode, it’s time to talk about real support.
As a Columbus, Ohio therapist, I work with mothers who are burnt out, grieving, and trying to hold it together without a safety net. Some come for weekly therapy. Others opt for something deeper and more immersive—like therapy intensives in Ohio.
What Are Therapy Intensives?
Therapy intensives are extended sessions (think half-day or full-day) designed to help you process more in less time. They’re ideal for moms who:
Feel like they’re unraveling but don’t have time for weekly sessions
Are navigating postpartum overwhelm or unresolved trauma
Need tools to regulate their nervous system in real time
Want a safe, private space to feel seen and supported
During an intensive, we slow things down. You get space to unpack what’s been building for years—maybe decades. We use somatic tools, EMDR, and gentle, compassionate reflection to help you exhale for the first time in a long time.
You don’t have to be at your breaking point to deserve that kind of care.
Practical Tips When You Don’t Have Family Help
Support doesn’t have to mean traditional family. There are small ways to lighten your load and care for yourself:
1. Create Your Own "Chosen Village"
Look for community in non-traditional places:
A neighbor you trust for last-minute backup
A friend with kids for reciprocal babysitting
A local mom group or support circle
An online community that gets your reality
It’s not the same—but it helps. And often, these bonds grow even stronger than family.
2. Lower the Bar (Like, Way Lower)
If you’re parenting without help, this is not the season for gourmet meals or a spotless home. Give yourself permission to do less.
Use paper plates
Say no to overcommitted weekends
Let the laundry sit an extra day
Serve cereal for dinner and call it a win
Your energy is a limited resource. Protect it.
3. Plan Micro-Breaks
You may not get a spa weekend—but you can:
Take a 10-minute walk alone
Watch a comfort show after bedtime
Hide in the bathroom and do breathwork
Journal for 5 minutes before bed
Tiny resets help more than you think.
4. Be Honest About the Hard
You don’t need to pretend this is easy. Talk about it. Post about it. Share with someone safe.
Let your partner know when you’re at your edge. Text a friend when you need to vent. Let people in—even if they can’t fix it, they can witness it.
Naming what’s hard is the first step toward feeling less alone.
5. Consider Professional Support
If the burnout feels too heavy to carry, it might be time to reach out.
Therapy—especially therapy intensives—can help you:
Understand your triggers
Grieve what you didn’t get
Rebuild trust in yourself
Get grounded, calm, and reconnected
You are not a burden for needing help.
This isn’t about fixing you. It’s about supporting you.
You Deserve a Village—And Real Support
If you’re parenting without help, let me say this: you’re doing more than most people will ever understand.
But you shouldn’t have to do it all alone. You deserve breaks. Support. Rest. And care.
Whether that’s through therapy for mothers, therapy intensives in Ohio, or simply carving out 10 minutes to breathe—you’re allowed to take up space, too.
And if you’re in Columbus, Ohio or anywhere nearby, I’d love to help you carry some of this load.
You can learn more about therapy intensives on my site—or just send a message. Sometimes the first step is the hardest. But it can also be the most healing.
Because even without a village, you still deserve to feel whole. And supported.
