How Self-Judgment Keeps Moms Overwhelmed
TLDR:
Moms don’t just feel feelings. Moms also judge themselves for having the feelings. That double layer is what leaves you overwhelmed. When you tell yourself you “shouldn’t feel this way,” your nervous system hears it as more pressure. This post gently unpacks why moms do this, why it makes everything feel harder, and how support, EMDR Therapy, or therapy intensives can help you feel grounded again.
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Let’s be honest.
Moms have two emotional reactions:
Reaction 1: the actual feeling.
Reaction 2: shaming themselves for having the feeling.
You know exactly what I mean.
You feel overwhelmed or irritated or anxious or touched out… and instantly your brain swoops in like an uninvited motivational speaker:
“I shouldn’t feel this way.”
“I should be more grateful.”
“I should be calmer.”
“I should enjoy this more.”
“I should not be annoyed by my own children.”
And suddenly the original emotion is not even the issue anymore.
Now you’re upset about being upset.
Which is just… a recipe for emotional lasagna. Layer on layer on layer.
Let’s talk about why moms do this and why it’s not because you're “too sensitive.” It’s because you’re carrying the emotional weight of an entire community while being judged by an internal voice that really needs to sit down.
Why Moms Judge Their Feelings So Harshly
Moms hold themselves to Olympic-level emotional standards with absolutely no training and no rest days. And it shows up everywhere
1. You’re living under impossible expectations
Somewhere in your mind is this imaginary “perfect mom” who:
• never yells
• never gets irritated
• always has patience
• meditates at sunrise
• definitely showers daily
• enjoys playing pretend for more than 90 seconds
And because that version of motherhood is fake, every real feeling you have feels like failure.
You’re not failing.
You’re competing with a woman who does not exist.
2. Someone in your past taught you your feelings were “too much”
Maybe it was “stop crying.”
Or “calm down.”
Or “go to your room if you’re going to act like that.”
Or “good girls don’t make a scene.”
So now when you feel something, that old voice pops up and tries to shut you down before the feeling even has a chance to breathe.
It’s not you.
It’s the programming.
3. Your nervous system is fried
You are carrying a mental load that rivals a Fortune 500 CEO. Except CEOs sleep. And eat. And no one climbs on their lap at 6 a.m. asking for snacks.
When your body is overwhelmed, even small emotions feel big.
But instead of saying, “Wow, I’m stretched thin,” you say:
“I shouldn’t feel this way.”
Your nervous system is like… “Girl. Please.”
4. You think your feelings say something about your parenting
Moms often think:
“If I were a better mom, I wouldn’t feel frustrated.”
“If I loved my kids enough, I’d be more patient.”
But feelings don’t measure your love.
They measure your capacity.
And your capacity is impacted by sleep, stress, hormones, overstimulation, the weather, snack requests, and how many times you’ve heard “MOM” today.
5. You don’t have time to actually feel your feelings
Moms process emotions like:
“I am feeling overwhelmed—what’s that smell—who spilled this—why is the dog barking—where is your shoe—”
You don’t get long emotional moments.
You get drive-thru feelings. Fast and unfinished.
So when your emotions finally force their way to the surface, they feel big and messy. But instead of understanding that, you tell yourself you shouldn’t feel them.
Your body is not dramatic.
Your schedule is unrealistic.
What Self-Judgment Does to You
Self-judgment turns every feeling into a double burden. It’s like carrying a backpack full of bricks and then putting on a second backpack labeled:
“Why are you carrying the first backpack?”
You end up with more:
• anxiety
• irritability
• guilt
• resentment
• emotional exhaustion
Judgment doesn’t reduce feelings.
It magnifies them.
Your nervous system cannot regulate when you’re criticizing it for struggling.
How to Break the “I Shouldn’t Feel This Way” Cycle
You don’t need a life overhaul.
You just need a few shifts that create emotional breathing room.
1. Name the feeling without judging it
Try:
“I’m overwhelmed.”
“I’m irritated.”
“I’m done for the day.”
Not good or bad.
Just true.
It’s crazy how much that helps.
2. Add the phrase “of course”
This one is magic.
“I’m exhausted… of course.”
“I’m anxious… of course.”
“I’m overstimulated… of course.”
Suddenly the shame dissolves and you’re left with compassion.
3. Treat the feeling like information, not a moral test
Feelings aren’t grades.
They’re signals.
If your body is talking to you, it means there is something it needs.
Not that you did something wrong.
4. Notice when the judgment sounds old
If the voice is harsher than the situation, that voice is not today’s voice.
It belongs to an earlier chapter of your life.
EMDR Therapy is incredible at helping moms release those old emotional rules so they stop running the show.
5. Give your body one grounding moment
Not a full ritual. Not a 30-minute meditation. Just one moment.
• hand on chest
• a long exhale
• stepping outside
• noticing your feet
Your nervous system responds to tiny shifts.
Microscopic ones.
Final Thoughts
Your feelings are not the enemy.
Your judgment is.
You can be grateful for your children and still overwhelmed.
You can love them deeply and still need space.
You can show up every day and still have moments where your body says “too much.”
This does not make you weak.
It makes you human.
And you do not have to keep shaming yourself for feeling things that make perfect sense.
As a therapist in Ohio who specializes in therapy for mothers, EMDR Therapy, therapy in Columbus Ohio, and therapy intensives in Ohio, I help moms soften these patterns so they can actually hear themselves again.
If this resonates and you want support untangling this pattern, I’m here.
Schedule a consultation and we can talk through it together.
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✨ Not sure if you’re burned out or just tired?
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