Why So Many Working Moms Feel Like They’re Failing at Motherhood and Marriage
TLDR:
Motherhood can quietly strain even the strongest relationships. When you’re giving so much to your kids, it’s normal to feel like there’s nothing left for your partner. That distance doesn’t mean a lack of love. It often means burnout and emotional overload. With the right support, this season can feel less heavy and more manageable, without blaming yourself for how hard it feels.
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No one really warns you about this part of parenting.
Not the sleep deprivation.
Not the logistics.
Not the endless snacks.
The part they don’t prepare you for is how hard it can feel to be a partner while you’re parenting.
You love your spouse. You chose them. You’re on the same team.
And yet, some days it feels like you’re roommates who coordinate schedules, exchange tired looks across the kitchen, and occasionally ask, “Did you lock the door?”
In my work as a therapist for moms, this is one of the most common struggles I hear about, even in strong, loving relationships.
If you’ve ever wondered why something that used to feel natural now feels hard, I get it. You’re in a season that asks a lot and gives very little back.
The Relationship Shift No One Really Talks About
Before kids, connection just happened.
You talked without interruption. You rested together. You laughed more easily. You were tired sometimes, but not this tired.
After kids, connection doesn’t disappear, but it becomes conditional. It has to happen after bedtime, between responsibilities, when no one needs anything, and when you still have emotional energy left. Which, let’s be real, is rare.
So when connection starts to require effort, many moms assume something must be wrong with their relationship.
Most of the time, what’s actually wrong is capacity.
Parenting Uses the Same Energy Relationships Need
This is the part many moms feel but don’t always have words for.
Parenting and partnership draw from the same emotional well. The same patience. The same presence. The same ability to listen, soften, and stay regulated.
So when your kids get the best of that energy all day, it makes sense that there’s not much left by the time your partner wants to connect.
That doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you’ve been needed nonstop.
Many moms seeking therapy for mothers tell me they feel guilty for not wanting to talk, cuddle, or connect at the end of the day. They worry this means something is wrong with their marriage.
In reality, it usually means they’re touched out, overstimulated, and emotionally spent. Tired.
How Resentment Sneaks In
Resentment rarely shows up as one big moment.
It builds in the background.
It grows when you’re the one tracking schedules, anticipating needs, remembering appointments, and thinking three steps ahead. When you’re mentally juggling everything and your partner asks a question you already answered in your head fifteen times, something inside you tightens.
You don’t want to be annoyed.
But...you are.
Resentment often isn’t about lack of love. It’s about imbalance. About carrying more of the mental and emotional labor than anyone realizes.
“Why Don’t I Want to Be Close Right Now?”
This is one of the hardest things for moms to say out loud.
Why doesn’t intimacy sound appealing?
Why does closeness feel like one more thing on the list?
Why do I want space instead of connection?
For many moms, this has very little to do with their partner and everything to do with nervous system overload.
When your body has been needed all day — physically, emotionally, mentally — it makes sense that you’d want it back.
You're not cold. You're overstimulated.
The Guilt That Comes With This Season
This season comes with a lot of guilt.
Guilt for not being as affectionate. Guilt for not being as interested. Guilt for not being who you used to be.
Many moms worry that this distance means something is permanently broken. That if they don’t fix it now, they’ll never get back to where they were.
But relationships after kids aren’t meant to look the same. They’re meant to evolve.
The problem isn’t that things changed.
It’s that we expected them not to.
When Talking About It Feels Like Too Much Work
Another layer that shows up here is communication.
Not because you don’t want to communicate, but because communicating feels like effort that you just don’t have.
Explaining how tired you are feels exhausting. Advocating for your needs feels heavy. You don’t want to manage another emotional conversation.
So instead, you stay quiet. You tell yourself it’s just a phase.
Sometimes it is. But silence can also quietly widen the gap when it lasts too long.
A Moment of Honesty
Many moms describe their relationship like this:
“We’re good. We just mostly communicate through logistics, shared calendars, and eye contact that says, ‘Your turn.’”
Let me be clear...that’s not a failed marriage. That’s a household with kids.
Why This Season Can Feel So Lonely
Even in strong relationships, this phase can feel isolating.
You miss being seen as a person, not just a parent. You miss being desired without effort. You miss feeling like you, not just the one who manages things.
Missing those things doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It means you’re human.
Two things can be true. Grief and gratitude can coexist.
What Actually Helps (Without Adding More Pressure)
This isn’t about date nights you don’t have energy for or fixing everything at once.
Often what helps most is:
Naming that this season is hard
Lowering expectations for what connection “should” look like
Creating small moments instead of big fixes
Letting go of the idea that you’re supposed to feel a certain way
Getting mental health support for burnout
Connection often returns when pressure decreases.
How Therapy Can Support This Season
Many moms assume therapy means something is wrong with their relationship.
Often, therapy is about helping you feel steadier so your relationship doesn’t have to carry everything.
As a therapist in Ohio offering therapy in Columbus, Ohio, I see how helpful it can be when moms finally have space to unpack resentment, exhaustion, and guilt without judgment.
Through ongoing therapy or therapy intensives, many moms feel lighter, clearer, and more able to reconnect with themselves and their partners.
You don’t need to be in crisis to need support. You just need to be tired of holding it all silently.
PSA
If being a mom and a partner at the same time feels hard, that’s not a personal flaw.
It’s a season that demands a lot with very little rest.
You can love your kids and miss your relationship.
You can love your partner and still want space.
You can be committed and completely exhausted.
Final Thoughts
This season won’t always feel this heavy. I promise!
But while you’re in it, you deserve compassion, support, and room to be human.
If you’re looking for therapy for mothers or support from a therapist for moms in Ohio who understands burnout, mental load, and the strain parenting can place on relationships, help is available.
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✨ Not sure if you’re burned out or just tired?
Take my quick Burnout Quiz for Moms to find out where you are on the burnout spectrum and what kind of support might help you feel more grounded again.
It only takes a few minutes and it’s a gentle first step toward feeling lighter and more like yourself.
👉Click here
