Why Am I the Only One Who Notices We’re Out of Toilet Paper? The Mental Load of Motherhood—and How Therapy Can Help
The mental load refers to the cognitive effort involved in managing a household and family life. It’s the constant thinking, planning, anticipating, remembering, and worrying. It’s the reason why your partner can relax on the couch and enjoy the movie, while your brain is mentally sorting tomorrow’s schedule and wondering whether that rash on your toddler’s leg means something.
It’s why you’re so tired all the time—even when you technically “haven’t done that much.” And it’s also why so many moms end up in therapy, not because they’re failing, but because they’ve been functioning too well for too long without support.
When You’re the “Strong One”: What Happens When Moms are Tired of Holding It All Together
When moms tell me they’re “just overwhelmed” or “fine, just tired,” I often hear what they’re not saying:
“I’m not okay, but I don’t know how to not be okay.”
“If I stop holding it all together, everything might fall apart.”
“Everyone’s used to me being capable. What happens if I can’t be?”
These aren’t dramatic thoughts. They’re protective ones. And they’re often learned from a lifetime of having to be more than okay to feel safe, loved, or useful.