I Miss Who I Was Before Motherhood
TL;DR: Motherhood changes everything…including your identity. This post explores the often-unspoken grief moms feel over losing the version of themselves they were before kids. From mental load and burnout to the emotional toll of always being needed, it's a real and valid experience. If you’ve ever thought, “I miss who I used to be,” you’re not alone. Therapy for mothers, including therapy intensives in Ohio, can help you process the grief, rediscover yourself, and find peace in this new chapter, without erasing who you were before.
You love your kids. You really do. But if you've ever found yourself staring at an old photo of you...laughing in the sun, makeup on, doing absolutely nothing for anyone but yourself...and whispering, "Where did she go?"... this post is for you.
No one really tells you that motherhood comes with grief. Not grief for your children, but for you. The version of yourself that had time, space, and freedom. The one who wasn’t constantly needed, touched, or multitasking three thoughts at once. The one who used to have clear dreams, actual hobbies, and maybe even a skincare routine that didn’t revolve around baby wipes.
This isn’t about regret. It’s about identity. And the truth is, losing touch with yourself doesn't mean you love your kids any less. It means you're human.
The Quiet Grief No One Talks About
Before motherhood, grief usually came in loud, obvious ways: breakups, job losses, funerals. Now? It shows up in the middle of loading the dishwasher. It stings when you try to write a text but your toddler is calling your name on loop. It hits when you realize you haven’t been alone in your own house in over a year.
You miss quiet. You miss making decisions without having to weigh the ripple effect on four other people. You miss being the center of your own story.
And maybe no one warned you about that.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
You scroll through old photos and feel an ache you can’t name
You sit in the car a few extra minutes after a solo grocery run
You laugh with a friend and feel like, for just a second, the old you surfaced
You get invited somewhere and say no automatically, because the logistics make your brain hurt
It’s subtle. It’s constant. And it can feel like it never ends.
This Isn't Just Sadness. It Might Be Burnout.
You know you’re tired. But it’s deeper than that. You snap at your partner over a fork left in the sink. You feel like crying in the parking lot for no reason. You crave quiet like your life depends on it. And sometimes? You fantasize about a solo vacation to literally anywhere.
This could be burnout. And it deserves attention. Especially if you:
Feel numb or constantly irritated
Dread the day before it starts
Can’t remember the last time you felt like you
Feel guilt for even feeling this way
If that’s you, you’re not alone. And this isn’t your fault. It’s the weight of the mental load, the emotional labor, the unrealistic expectations placed on mothers.
What You’re Really Missing
Let’s be honest: it’s not just brunch and sleep (though, those would be nice!). What you really miss is:
Autonomy: making a plan and not having it revolve around snack time
Spontaneity: deciding to go somewhere last-minute without a 45-minute prep window
Creative energy: having mental space to pursue something that lights you up
Being seen: not as someone’s mom, but as you
It’s not selfish to miss these things. It’s human.
What Helps: Therapy for Mothers
You don’t need to keep pretending you’re fine. You don’t have to justify your feelings or convince yourself that you "should" be grateful. You can love your kids and still need support.
As a Columbus, Ohio therapist, I work with moms who are navigating this very tension: grief and love, resentment and connection, burnout and hope.
In therapy for mothers, you get space to:
Say the quiet part out loud
Explore what’s underneath the guilt
Reconnect with your identity, not just your roles
Learn nervous system tools for real-life chaos
And if weekly therapy feels too slow or hard to fit into your life, therapy intensives might be what you need. It’s a dedicated space to dig deep, reset, and actually breathe again.
What Happens in a Therapy Intensive
During a therapy intensive, you’re not rushing through thoughts while watching the clock. You get:
Time and space to unpack what you’ve been holding
EMDR to process past experiences that are still shaping how you show up now
Tools to help you reconnect with the version of you who got left behind
A reset for your nervous system that doesn’t require a week-long retreat
After an intensive, I often hear things like:
“I feel lighter.”
“I finally feel like myself again.”
“I didn’t know how much I was carrying until I put it down.”
You don’t need a diagnosis or a meltdown to deserve this. You just need to want more ease. More clarity. More you.
Tiny Ways to Reconnect With Yourself
You don’t have to overhaul your life to start feeling like you again. Here are a few simple ideas:
Revisit something old: Music you loved, a show you watched, a book you never finished.
Let yourself daydream: Even if you can’t act on it yet, let yourself imagine.
Create one tiny ritual that’s just yours: Tea at night, morning stretch, journaling for 3 minutes.
Say yes to the support you need: Therapy, rest, a friend who makes you laugh.
You’re Still in There
If you’ve been missing the old you, please know: she’s not gone. She’s just buried under a million to-dos and "shoulds."
And if you’re ready to feel more like yourself again, to remember that you are more than what you do for others?
I’m here. As a therapist in Ohio who specializes in therapy for mothers and offers therapy intensives in Columbus, I’d love to support you.
Because you can be a good mom and miss the person you were. Healing doesn’t mean going backward. It means carrying both truths with compassion.
Let’s help you come home to yourself again.
